tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-169596271380445861.post1460140058718574247..comments2009-11-22T12:41:21.113-06:00Comments on Rants, Raves, & Oddball Days: 4:00Pm, August 22nd, 2005Amanda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13775358526190211338noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-169596271380445861.post-72551301118203116642009-11-22T12:41:21.113-06:002009-11-22T12:41:21.113-06:00It's clear that you put a lot of time into thi...It's clear that you put a lot of time into this piece (or maybe you are just naturally able to write something good like this in a short amount of time...). I liked it because you gave us just enough clues to guess what was happening, but not enough so that I wanted to read more. All of the various elements -- the recollections that you italicized, the description, the appealing to all 5 senses -- melded together to create a cohesive post. The "scratch the floating" may have been awkward in a different context, but it works in your piece because it alerts the reader that you are having an emotional experience that is hard to describe. I thought that talking about your eyes bleeding was a really powerful metaphor that. At the end, you reveal that you are at your grandmother's funeral which makes the post make sense...all the clues that you gave led to me thinking "I knew it!!" when you revealed that you were at a funeral. Great post!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-169596271380445861.post-39467933104539187592009-11-20T10:04:41.804-06:002009-11-20T10:04:41.804-06:00I really like the way that you have written this p...I really like the way that you have written this piece. There is a great contrast between the details that you have given about what you remembered and the large gaps of information that you didn’t include because you don’t remember exactly what happened. This really makes the reader feel your emotions and understand how overwhelmed you were. <br /><br />I liked your play on the repeated “I remember” and “I can’t remember" because it allows the reader to be aware of what you were feeling at the funeral in the way that you have almost created a collage of memories.<br /><br />Once I had read the entire piece, I really understood why you started with “I remember the rain.” The line is so simple, but is one that you comment on throughout the entire piece with your dress being “soaked and sticking” to you and you “stepping through the wet squishy grass.”<br /><br />The piece has a really consistent tone that is indicative of your feelings.Carley Laaksohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08919273254791202461noreply@blogger.com